Lights, camera, love! As a queer person, I’m pretty biased when I say the world of LGBTQ+ relationships is enchanting. It’s the land where fairy tale romances are reimagined, and love knows no bounds. The proposal is one of the most exhilarating and cherished moments in many of these storybook-worthy relationships.
One question that still circulates in society today is: Who proposes in a gay relationship? In this article, we’ll discuss the ins and outs of this question with the help of one of the cutest couples in the world, Kat (she/her) and Diana (she/her). In my podcast this week, this engaged and soon-to-be-married couple shared their proposal experience as LGBTQ+ folks. They also offered some excellent tips to encourage you to let the spotlight shine on love and embrace this world where dreams are realized, and “yes” is just the beginning.
How do gay proposals work?
For many of us, the first idea that may come to mind when we hear this question is: Why is this still a question? Why is heteronormative society so confused about the inner workings of our love? We’re still talking about this for two reasons:
I want to focus this article on the second point. Queerly beloved — this one’s for you!
Let’s start this strong with some show-stopping, adorable queer representation.
Kat and Diana met on the HER dating app. Their relationship started semi-long distance, with about an hour and a half between them. About a month after talking, the two finally met in person.
“[after the first date] I was ready to call my friends and say I met the girl I’m going to marry,” Diana recounts. “I just knew that was it.”
Diana and Kat knew that proposals were on the horizon. After talking about it and browsing rings together, it was only a matter of time until someone popped the question. Kat was the first to do it — she took Diana to all their special places that have significance for them as a couple and pulled out the ring on the Stone Arch Bridge.
Just three weeks after, it was Diana’s turn. They grabbed breakfast at a local bakery and had a quiet picnic at Nokomis Beach. For Diana, it was about making those everyday activities even more special: “I wanted it to be part of those small moments that end up being big moments.”
One of the realities for many queer folks is that the journey to the proposal can be a bit complex. In a world where representation still lags, LGBTQ+ couples may yearn for a roadmap that reflects their unique love stories. If you feel this way, you’re not alone!
First and foremost, I want to remind you that your proposal can be whatever you want. Do what feels right for you, your partner, and your identities. But, if you feel unsure about executing this momentous occasion, let’s dive deeper into various scenarios and options!
It’s no secret that society has conditioned us to believe that proposals should follow a specific script. The assumption is that in a heterosexual relationship, the man proposes to the woman. These patriarchal understandings have consequently led some people to translate these ideas into LGBTQ+ relationships — it’s often assumed that more masculine-presenting people will take the lead. But this couldn’t be further from the truth!
Kat expresses how we have the power to break free from these limiting stereotypes: “I’m very thankful that I’m in this community. The traditional sense to go about things isn’t easy for our community, but it also opens up many doors to do whatever we want.” At the end of the day, there’s no right or wrong way to propose — in an LGBTQ+ or straight relationship. It’s all about embracing the authenticity of your own love story and allowing it to unfold naturally in a way that makes sense to you.
Your options are endless! Here are some things to think about if you’re not sure which direction you want to take:
The key to navigating the question of who proposes lies in open communication and a deep understanding between you and your partner. The magic often unfolds organically as you explore your dreams, hopes, and aspirations for the future together. Discussions about marriage and lifelong commitment can naturally lead to conversations about your visions for the proposal(s).
Again, it’s all up to you! If you and your partner love the idea of a joint ring-shopping adventure, where the joy of selecting the perfect pieces becomes a shared experience, go for it! On the other hand, surprises can be just as enchanting. You can offer some ideas to your partner about the type of ring you like, and they can take it from there.
Alternatively, you can also choose to explore other options aside from rings. A watch, a pair of earrings, a necklace, or even something entirely different, like matching ring tattoos, can all symbolize your love and commitment — and any option you choose is special and valid, regardless of what people say!
Keep in mind that engagement rings are for everyone — there are no rules about who is supposed to wear them.
Since there are no rules about how to go about your proposal, remember the following tips to help you wade through any uncertainty:
If proposals aren’t for you, then you certainly don’t need to do them. How you honor and celebrate your love is valid, and no one can tell you otherwise. However, if you are on the fence about proposals and want a little nudge, remember they are:
When it comes time to capture those precious moments of your love story, I’ve got your back as a queer wedding and elopement photographer. Reach out to me today to learn more about how I can be a helping hand along your journey!
To show Kat and Diana some love and learn more about their story, tune into this week’s episode on my podcast, Queerly Beloved!
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