Maybe you heard whispers of this thing called eloping, but you’re not sure what it actually means. Or maybe you’re considering this type of celebration, but you’re not sure what’s involved in the process. If you haven’t been told this already, let me be the first: You’re not alone in your uncertainty.
Before you dive head-first into the elopement planning process, it’s helpful to know what you’re getting into. So, I wrote this guide to walk you through what you need to know before eloping, from why people elope in the first place to what you’re getting into planning-wise.
Eloping isn’t for everyone—and that’s okay! If you’re starting to wonder “Should we elope?” or find yourself googling the pros and cons of eloping late at night, just know that it’s one of the biggest questions couples ask when they’re early in the planning process.
So… why do people elope, anyway? For some, it’s about ditching tradition. For others, it’s about keeping things low-key and centered on what really matters: the two of you. And especially for LGBTQIA+ couples, eloping can be a way to celebrate your love story on your own terms, without the pressure of pleasing everyone else.
But there are trade-offs to think about, too. You may be giving up the big crowd or your grandma seeing you walk down the aisle in real time. It’s important to weigh what you’ll gain and what you might miss. The best way to know if eloping is right for you is to get clear on your priorities—what makes you feel the most excited, the most like yourself, and the most connected to your partner. If a big wedding doesn’t light you up, it might be time to consider something more intimate.
Read More: Why Eloping is a Good Idea for LGBTQIA+ Couples
Some couples choose to elope because they want something more meaningful, personal, or just… less overwhelming. The idea of planning a giant event with hundreds of moving parts sounds more like a headache than a celebration. Others want to be outdoors, in nature, and in a spot that actually feels like them, not stuck in a banquet hall they booked two years in advance. And for many LGBTQIA+ folks, eloping can be a way to create a safe, affirming space that isn’t overshadowed by complicated family dynamics or traditions.
If you’ve been asking yourself why you should elope instead of having a wedding, this is why: because your love story deserves to be celebrated in a way that actually feels good. Whether that’s on top of a mountain, in your backyard, or at the courthouse with just your favorite people around, it’s all about doing what’s right for you.
Eloping is right for you if:
Even more real talk: Even though I’m a huge advocate for elopements, I know that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows for everyone. Eloping might not be the right fit if you’re someone who’s always dreamed of a big wedding surrounded by friends and family, or if the idea of excluding certain people from the day feels more stressful than freeing.
Elopements tend to be more personal and less performative, but that also means fewer people around. If you thrive on group energy or love the idea of a full dance floor and cake-cutting with 100+ guests, a traditional wedding might actually be more your vibe.
Bottom line? Eloping is about intention. If your heart’s not in it, or if you feel like you’d be compromising too much just to keep it small, that’s also worth listening to.
Eloping might not be for you if:
Let’s bust the biggest myth first: Eloping doesn’t mean running off to the courthouse in secret (unless you want it to). Modern elopements can be anything from a sunrise hike followed by a lakeside vow exchange, to a backyard ceremony with your dog as the ring bearer and a cozy dinner after. There are so many ways to elope, and that’s kind of the whole point—you get to create something that feels like you.
Some elopements are just the couple and the photographer. Others might include a handful of loved ones, a private chef, or even a funky Airbnb to crash in afterward. There’s no one right way to do it—the goal is to figure out what the right way for you is.
Read More: Elopement Inspiration and Storytime: Emily and Eliza
Generally, elopements are no more than 30 people. Some couples want it to be just them and their photographer so they can really stay present and connected. Others want their closest people there—chosen family, best friends, a supportive parent or two. It’s totally your call.
It’s also super common to want to elope and have a big celebration later to get the best of both worlds.
Read More: Do You Have to Invite Family and Friends to Your Elopement?
Another thing you need to consider is how you’ll tell your loved ones you’re eloping (if you tell them at all). If you’re not inviting others to your elopement, it’s totally normal to feel nervous about how family or friends might react. People often have their own expectations of what your wedding should look like, especially if they imagined a big party or have strong feelings about “being there.”
How you share the news is up to you—some couples tell people ahead of time, some wait until after, and some do a mix of both. You might:
Read More: How to Announce Your Elopement
I want to acknowledge that while deciding to elope is exciting, it can also come with feelings. Yours, your family’s, and your friends’.
You might feel:
These feelings are all totally normal. Eloping doesn’t mean your celebration is less valid—it just means you’re prioritizing authenticity over expectation. Still, it helps to be prepared for conversations, especially with loved ones who may not understand your decision right away.
A few things that can help:
Here’s the part people sometimes forget: even though elopements are smaller and more relaxed, they still take some planning. Not nearly as much as a traditional wedding, sure, but there are still a few pieces you’ll want to think about ahead of time so your day feels smooth and intentional:
Read More: How to Elope: The Ultimate Guide
Read More: The Ultimate Guide to LGBTQ+ Elopements (everything you need to know about eloping, tailored for queer folks)
The rules vary depending on where you’re eloping, so it’s always a good idea to double-check the requirements for your specific location, especially if you’re crossing state lines or eloping internationally.
Here are a few things to consider:
Read More: LGBTQ+ Elopement Legal Considerations
One of the beautiful (and slightly chaotic) things about elopements? They’re often tied to nature, travel, or experiences outside the usual script, which means they come with a few wild cards. Weather shifts. Travel hiccups. That random goose honking during your vows. It’s all part of the magic.
Here’s how to roll with it:
Read More: How to Make a Backup Plan for Your Elopement
Read More: The Ultimate Elopement Packing List
A lot of people assume that elopements are super cheap. But that’s far from the truth. The more accurate statement here is that while it’s true that you’re not spending money on big venues, catering, and other setups, you’re actually just allocating your funds to other things that you want to prioritize, like activities, travel, unique accommodations, and a cool photographer. When you add all of these up, it can still be pricey, depending on what your priorities are, so make sure you have a budget planned out!
Read More: How to Create an Elopement Budget
As I’ve said throughout this blog, the whole point of eloping is to create something full of intention and meaning—something that makes you feel close to your partner. So, it’s important to consider what holds meaning to you before you elope. For example:
It should go without saying that every elopement experience is different, but if I could sum it up in just a few words, here’s what I’d say:
Eloping is emotional in the best way. It’s freeing, grounding, and deeply connective. There are usually happy tears, lots of laughter, and those quiet in-between moments where you inhale, take in the scenery around you, look at each other, and go “wow, we really did it.”
If this sounds like an experience for you and you’re ready to get into the planning process, reach out to me—I can’t wait to be a part of your journey!