Do You Have to Invite Family and Friends to Your Elopement?
Whether you’re new here or have been following me for a long time, there’s one thing you should know about me: I think elopements are the best. But, one of the questions I often get asked by couples wanting to tie the knot this way is: “Do I have to invite guests to my elopement?” The short answer? It’s entirely up to you—that’s one of the beautiful things about going this route. However, the answer is a lot more nuanced. Family and friends often have a pivotal role in our lives, and it may take careful consideration from you and your partner when deciding whether or not to include others in your elopement celebration.
In this article, I’ll go over the different approaches you can take to elopement invites (or no invites). Let’s dive in!
But First: A Pro Tip
Before I get into the different options, there’s one thing I want to make loud and clear: It’s entirely up to you if you decide to include people in your elopement celebration. If you choose to do so, ensure everyone invited is 100% supportive of the plan and you as a couple. This space is all about your love. So, everyone entering it should come with open arms.
1. Don’t Invite Friends or Family
Your first option is not to invite any family and friends. Keep in mind that you may need to ask some people to be your witnesses and officiant if you’re making your marriage official during your elopement ceremony. Other than that, if you have no interest in having your loved ones there, that’s perfect!
Why Elope Without Family or Friends?
Many benefits come with not inviting family or friends. As a queer photographer who works predominantly with LGBTQIA+ couples, I get that there can be some challenges with genuine support for your marriage. If this is the case for you, elopements offer that freedom to focus on you as a couple and tune out all those other voices.
Even if your friends and family support your relationship, you can still choose to elope without them. If you and your partner want something intimate where you can focus solely on each other, this is the route for you. Plus, you don’t have to go through the hassle of picking and choosing which people to invite and which people to leave off the guest list.
It’s also an excellent opportunity to avoid extensive logistics planning, which can be much more complicated with more people. For example, if you want to hike or travel for your elopement, it may take more time, and you must consider everyone’s needs on top of your own.
How to Tell Family and Friends They Can’t Come to Your Elopement
Communication is critical when not inviting your family and friends to your elopement. Simply explain to them your intentions, like how you’d prefer for it to be an intimate ceremony where you can focus on each other rather than catering to guests. If this idea is challenging for them to wrap their heads around, consider showing them photos of other people’s elopements. Show them the magic and why you want to experience something just as epic.
If you’re on good terms with your friends and family, it can be a great idea to let them know you’re eloping before it happens. However, if you prefer to keep it a surprise or aren’t in a position where they’ll be accepting, telling them afterwards is just as valid!
Or if you’re like me, just don’t tell your family since they wouldn’t come anyway! :p
How to Tell Friends and Family that You Eloped
If you decide to hold the news until after your elopement, there are many elopement announcement ideas you can try:
- Mail-out cards with highlight photos
- Telling loved ones face-to-face
- Inviting them to a post-elopement reception to celebrate. Here, you can put on a slideshow of your favorite photos from the day so it feels like they were there with you.
2. Invite Friends or Family
Another option is to invite family or friends. Keep in mind that if you’re eloping, this typically means keeping your guest list under 30 people. So, this also means that you may need to be selective about who you let into your space.
Why Elope With Family or Friends?
Family and friends are special. If you and your partner have a select group of people that mean a lot to you, this is the perfect opportunity to enhance your elopement experience. There’s nothing like celebrating your love with all the people you love.
Who to Invite
Again, remember that elopements are meant to be small, with no more than 30 people. This means that if you have a lot of people around you who you’d want to celebrate with, this might mean you’ll need to make some cuts. There may be some hurt feelings in the process. If this is the case, take the time to explain your decisions to your friends and family, and if it fits your agenda, invite the rest of the people to an after-party or other form of celebration.
How to Tell Family and Friends They’re Invited to Your Elopement
There are many creative ways to tell your loved ones they have an invite to your elopement. You can try classic mail-out cards, messages, or phone calls. Do whatever makes sense for your relationships—and make as big or small of a deal of it as you want to!
3. Don’t Invite Friends or Family, but Include them in a Different Way
This hybrid option is perfect for those who value the intimacy of an elopement but also want to celebrate with family and friends. There are many variations of this option—there’s no one-size-fits-all!
What it Can Look Like
You can include your friends and family in whatever part of your elopement makes sense to you. You can reserve the actual ceremony for just you two, for example, and include others in various ways, like:
- Pre-wedding events
- Getting ready
- After-elopement dinners
- Post-elopement parties/receptions
- Split-day elopements: Dedicate part of the day with just you two and the rest with your friends and family
- Multi-day experiences: Spend a day with your partner and another day with your friends and family
- Have your family or friends help you choose your elopement attire
- Bring a loved one as your officiant or witness
- Elopement first looks with your family or friends (makes for some stunning photos, too!)
- Have your family welcome you back after you elope, whether you’re returning home, to a cabin, or a venue for celebration.
- For your loved ones who can’t be there in person, have them send you a video or write you and your partner a letter.
- Similarly, make time for a FaceTime or video chat after the ceremony for loved ones who can’t be there in person.
- Share a first dance with a loved one.
Why Choose a Hybrid Option?
This option is the best of both worlds—if you have loved ones you want to include in the celebration but still value your time alone as a couple, this hybrid approach provides it all. This way, you can experience the intimacy you value as a couple while also sharing your love with all the people you care about.
How to Invite Family and Friends to Parts of Your Elopement
This is also an area where you can let your creativity shine. Some loved ones may feel hurt knowing they aren’t invited to your elopement ceremony. However, expressing that you still want them to celebrate with you in other ways can alleviate that. Consider sending out a message like the following:
“We are saying ‘I DO’ with just us two, but after, will you join us for a celebration and some laughter?”
Questions to Ask Yourself Overall
If you’re still on the fence about whether or not to invite people to your elopement, I encourage you to ask yourself these questions:
- Close your eyes and try to picture how you want your day to go. What do you feel? What do you see?
- Who, if anyone, will add to your elopement experience? Who can’t you imagine this special day without?
- Are they important to both you and your partner?
- Are you inviting them because you feel obligated to or because you genuinely want to?
- How close are you to these people?
- What is the maximum number of people you’ll allow at your elopement?
Leaning On Your Photographer for Advice
One of the most essential aspects of your elopement is hiring a photographer to capture all your special moments—whether or not you decide to invite guests. As an LGBTQIA+ elopement photographer, I can offer words of wisdom when it comes to planning your elopement. Believe me, I understand the challenges of dealing with family and friends on your big day. If you’re ready to have me by your side to guide you through your elopement (guest advice included), reach out to me today! I can’t wait to learn your story and make your dream day a reality!
