Maybe you heard whispers of this thing called eloping, but you’re not sure what it actually means. Or maybe you’re considering this type of celebration, but you’re not sure what’s involved in the process. If you haven’t been told this already, let me be the first: You’re not alone in your uncertainty.

Before you dive head-first into the elopement planning process, it’s helpful to know what you’re getting into. So, I wrote this guide to walk you through what you need to know before eloping, from why people elope in the first place to what you’re getting into planning-wise.

Is Eloping a Good Idea for You?

Eloping isn’t for everyone—and that’s okay! If you’re starting to wonder “Should we elope?” or find yourself googling the pros and cons of eloping late at night, just know that it’s one of the biggest questions couples ask when they’re early in the planning process.

So… why do people elope, anyway? For some, it’s about ditching tradition. For others, it’s about keeping things low-key and centered on what really matters: the two of you. And especially for LGBTQIA+ couples, eloping can be a way to celebrate your love story on your own terms, without the pressure of pleasing everyone else.

But there are trade-offs to think about, too. You may be giving up the big crowd or your grandma seeing you walk down the aisle in real time. It’s important to weigh what you’ll gain and what you might miss. The best way to know if eloping is right for you is to get clear on your priorities—what makes you feel the most excited, the most like yourself, and the most connected to your partner. If a big wedding doesn’t light you up, it might be time to consider something more intimate.

Read More: Why Eloping is a Good Idea for LGBTQIA+ Couples

Reasons to Elope

Some couples choose to elope because they want something more meaningful, personal, or just… less overwhelming. The idea of planning a giant event with hundreds of moving parts sounds more like a headache than a celebration. Others want to be outdoors, in nature, and in a spot that actually feels like them, not stuck in a banquet hall they booked two years in advance. And for many LGBTQIA+ folks, eloping can be a way to create a safe, affirming space that isn’t overshadowed by complicated family dynamics or traditions.

If you’ve been asking yourself why you should elope instead of having a wedding, this is why: because your love story deserves to be celebrated in a way that actually feels good. Whether that’s on top of a mountain, in your backyard, or at the courthouse with just your favorite people around, it’s all about doing what’s right for you.

Eloping is right for you if:

• You want an intentional, meaningful experience without the pressure of a big event
• Planning a traditional wedding feels stressful, overwhelming, or just not your style
• You want to prioritize your connection and the experience of the day over traditions
• You’re dreaming of an adventure—whether that’s hiking to a stunning overlook or saying your vows in a cozy Airbnb
• You want more control over who’s part of your day (or who isn’t)
• You’re looking for a celebration that feels fully authentic and affirming to you
• You want to infuse smaller cultural elements or smaller “traditional” wedding rituals without doing the full-blown thing (e.g., taking part in a small favorite ritual from your culture or still having a “traditional” wedding ritual like a first dance)

Reasons You Might Not Want to Elope

Even more real talk: Even though I’m a huge advocate for elopements, I know that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows for everyone. Eloping might not be the right fit if you’re someone who’s always dreamed of a big wedding surrounded by friends and family, or if the idea of excluding certain people from the day feels more stressful than freeing.

Elopements tend to be more personal and less performative, but that also means fewer people around. If you thrive on group energy or love the idea of a full dance floor and cake-cutting with 100+ guests, a traditional wedding might actually be more your vibe.

Bottom line? Eloping is about intention. If your heart’s not in it, or if you feel like you’d be compromising too much just to keep it small, that’s also worth listening to.

Eloping might not be for you if:

• You’ve always dreamed of a big party, or feel energized by having a lot of people around
• You’d feel heartbroken not having certain family or friends physically present when you say “I do”
• You want to incorporate ALL of your culture’s big wedding traditions on your big day (P.S. You can still bring elements of your culture to your elopement—you just might not be able to do the bigger traditions, simply for logistics reasons!)
• You want ALL the classic wedding moments, like grand entrances, cake cutting, first dances, speeches, etc. (Similar to my above point, you can still have classic wedding moments like first dances at your elopement—you just won’t likely be able to incorporate ALL the big traditions for logistics reasons)
• You’d rather celebrate once with everyone than plan a smaller ceremony plus a reception later

What an Elopement Really Looks Like

Let’s bust the biggest myth first: Eloping doesn’t mean running off to the courthouse in secret (unless you want it to). Modern elopements can be anything from a sunrise hike followed by a lakeside vow exchange, to a backyard ceremony with your dog as the ring bearer and a cozy dinner after. There are so many ways to elope, and that’s kind of the whole point—you get to create something that feels like you.

Some elopements are just the couple and the photographer. Others might include a handful of loved ones, a private chef, or even a funky Airbnb to crash in afterward. There’s no one right way to do it—the goal is to figure out what the right way for you is.

Read More: Elopement Inspiration and Storytime: Emily and Eliza

How Big (or Small) Can an Elopement Be?

Generally, elopements are no more than 30 people. Some couples want it to be just them and their photographer so they can really stay present and connected. Others want their closest people there—chosen family, best friends, a supportive parent or two. It’s totally your call.

It’s also super common to want to elope and have a big celebration later to get the best of both worlds.

Read More: Do You Have to Invite Family and Friends to Your Elopement?

Telling Your Loved Ones

Another thing you need to consider is how you’ll tell your loved ones you’re eloping (if you tell them at all). If you’re not inviting others to your elopement, it’s totally normal to feel nervous about how family or friends might react. People often have their own expectations of what your wedding should look like, especially if they imagined a big party or have strong feelings about “being there.”

How you share the news is up to you—some couples tell people ahead of time, some wait until after, and some do a mix of both. You might:

• Send a cute “we eloped!” announcement with a favorite photo
• Let a few loved ones know in advance and ask them to be part of your support circle
• FaceTime your loved ones after your ceremony
• Get your loved ones to write you a letter that you can read during the ceremony to feel like they are there
• Host a post-elopement dinner or party to celebrate with others later
• Just keep it private and intimate—because that’s what feels right

Read More: How to Announce Your Elopement

Managing Expectations (Yours and Others)

I want to acknowledge that while deciding to elope is exciting, it can also come with feelings. Yours, your family’s, and your friends’.

You might feel:

• Relief that you’re doing it your way
• Guilt for not including certain people
• Excitement mixed with nerves
• Pressure to explain or justify your choice

These feelings are all totally normal. Eloping doesn’t mean your celebration is less valid—it just means you’re prioritizing authenticity over expectation. Still, it helps to be prepared for conversations, especially with loved ones who may not understand your decision right away.

A few things that can help:

• Set clear, kind boundaries. You don’t have to waste energy defending your decision, but a little communication can still go a long way for those deserving of your time.
• Loop people in in other ways. Ask a loved one to write a letter or toast, or plan a post-elopement gathering.
• Remember your “why.” Come back to the reasons you chose this in the first place. Try not to get swayed by all the noise around you.

Things You’ll Still Need to Plan

Here’s the part people sometimes forget: even though elopements are smaller and more relaxed, they still take some planning. Not nearly as much as a traditional wedding, sure, but there are still a few pieces you’ll want to think about ahead of time so your day feels smooth and intentional:

• Location: Are you hiking into a national park? Booking a cabin in the woods? Saying your vows at a local spot with meaning?
• Permits: Some locations require special use permits, especially public lands like state or national parks.
• Timing: Sunrise? Sunset? Midday? Think about weather, lighting, seasons, and crowds.
• Vendors: Yes, you still likely need vendors at your elopement—at the very least, a photographer. Others may include an officiant, florist, hair and makeup artist, or planner.
• Attire and packing: Especially if you’re eloping outdoors or traveling for it, plan for weather, comfy shoes, backup outfits, etc.
• Logistics: How are you getting there? What’s your backup plan? What’s your budget?

Read More: How to Elope: The Ultimate Guide

Read More: The Ultimate Guide to LGBTQ+ Elopements (everything you need to know about eloping, tailored for queer folks)

Legal Stuff to Know Before Eloping

The rules vary depending on where you’re eloping, so it’s always a good idea to double-check the requirements for your specific location, especially if you’re crossing state lines or eloping internationally.

Here are a few things to consider:

• Marriage license: Where do you get it? How long is the waiting period? Does it expire?
• Officiant requirements: Some states require a registered officiant, others are more flexible (some even allow self-solemnization, which is pretty cool).
• Witnesses: Some places require one or two witnesses, so your photographer might get to double as one!

Read More: LGBTQ+ Elopement Legal Considerations

Weather, Travel, and Other Wild Cards

One of the beautiful (and slightly chaotic) things about elopements? They’re often tied to nature, travel, or experiences outside the usual script, which means they come with a few wild cards. Weather shifts. Travel hiccups. That random goose honking during your vows. It’s all part of the magic.

Here’s how to roll with it:

• Have a backup plan if you’re eloping outdoors—whether that’s an indoor spot nearby or cute clear umbrellas.
• Build in buffer time in your travel schedule, especially for destination elopements. Delayed flights happen.
• Pack smart—layers, comfy shoes, snacks, water, and maybe a backup outfit depending on the location.
• Embrace imperfection—because honestly, those unexpected moments often become the most memorable parts of the day.
  

Read More: How to Make a Backup Plan for Your Elopement

Read More: The Ultimate Elopement Packing List

Budgeting for an Elopement (Yes, You Still Need One)

A lot of people assume that elopements are super cheap. But that’s far from the truth. The more accurate statement here is that while it’s true that you’re not spending money on big venues, catering, and other setups, you’re actually just allocating your funds to other things that you want to prioritize, like activities, travel, unique accommodations, and a cool photographer. When you add all of these up, it can still be pricey, depending on what your priorities are, so make sure you have a budget planned out!

Read More: How to Create an Elopement Budget

Making it Meaningful

As I’ve said throughout this blog, the whole point of eloping is to create something full of intention and meaning—something that makes you feel close to your partner. So, it’s important to consider what holds meaning to you before you elope. For example:

• Choose a location that means something to you
• Prioritize mindfulness—those quiet moments built into your day with just the two of you
• Create rituals that feel personal
• Infuse meaningful cultural traditions or personal traditions
• Bring elements that are unique to you (e.g., clothing, accessories, a poem, etc.)
• Slow down. This isn’t a rush. It’s a day to breathe, connect, and feel everything you could possibly feel without distractions

What You Can Expect From the Experience + Final Thoughts

It should go without saying that every elopement experience is different, but if I could sum it up in just a few words, here’s what I’d say:

Eloping is emotional in the best way. It’s freeing, grounding, and deeply connective. There are usually happy tears, lots of laughter, and those quiet in-between moments where you inhale, take in the scenery around you, look at each other, and go “wow, we really did it.”

If this sounds like an experience for you and you’re ready to get into the planning process, reach out to me—I can’t wait to be a part of your journey!