If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I like to call out all the gendered notions that come with the wedding industry, flip them on their sides, and look at them from a queer lens. What if I told you we can also do that for flowers?

The wedding industry has gone so far as to gender flowers and how they’re incorporated into wedding ceremonies. While there really is no such thing as gay wedding flowers, in this article, I want to explore how we can begin to move away from traditional gendered understandings and give you some ideas for incorporating florals into your wedding or elopement, especially if you’re a queer couple trying to do things in your own way.

In a recent episode of my podcast, Queerly Beloved, I had the honor of speaking with Em and Heidi of Prairie Rose Farm & Floral to learn more about how they, as a queer-owned regenerative flower farm and wedding florist approach floral arrangements in the wedding space.

Traditional Understandings of Wedding Floral Arrangements

I’ve been a photographer in the wedding and elopement space for a long time, and through my experiences, I’ve observed how people perceive flowers in the context of weddings. Traditional understandings place florals widely in the bride’s domain—her big bouquet sets the tone for the ceremony and all the flower arrangements are up to her. There are also some rigid understandings around types of floral arrangements and who can hold what. For example, the bouquet is traditionally associated with the bride while a boutonniere is typically associated with the groom.

While there’s nothing wrong with following these customs (if they feel right for you), these traditional understandings can leave the rest of us wondering, “What is and isn’t acceptable when I get married?”

Spoiler alert: When it comes to how you celebrate and symbolize your love, you can do whatever you want, as long as it feels right for you and doesn’t hurt anyone or nature.

Moving Away From Traditional Notions of Flowers at Weddings

Heidi and Em point out that flowers exist in all aspects of life—birth, birthdays, graduation, death, and everything in between. Flowers are about representing life rather than your gender. I think this is an important point to keep at the front of our minds. 

When it comes to selecting flowers for your wedding or elopement—whether or not you’re queer, it’s important to understand that flowers aren’t inherently feminine and “girly.” Flowers are these beautiful things that come from nature that we humans are ever so lucky to use as symbols for big life events, like a marriage. So, no matter what kind of floral arrangement you envision for your big day, it’s really about what is most meaningful to you.

How to Choose Flowers for Your LGBTQ+ Wedding or Elopement

Again, think about what represents you most as individuals and as a couple. Let whatever feels right guide you. Other things that are important to consider include:

• Where are you having your wedding or elopement? Will the location require more sturdy flowers?
• Do certain areas or parks forbid certain flower species that aren’t native to the region? Research is important here.
• What are you wearing? Do you want your floral arrangements to match, complement, or do something totally different?
• Do you actually like flowers? Are there any alternative earthy elements that you prefer?

Queer Wedding Flower Ideas

As I mentioned earlier, there isn’t really such a thing as “gay wedding flowers.” When I say “queer wedding flowers” in this context, I mean any idea under the sun that is different from traditional notions of bouquet = bride and boutonniere = groom. With that, here are some thoughts, ideas, and tips that Em and Heidi, the floral experts themselves, offered up:

1. Florals can be made into whatever you want. They can be incorporated into a pocket square, your dress, a flower crown, floral rings, or even decorations at the altar if you’re not into having them physically on you.
2. You can go as big or as small as you want. If big bouquets are not your thing, but you still like the idea of flowers, consider incorporating them as subtle accents—whether it’s part of your outfit or your surroundings and decorative elements.
3. You don’t have to go for flowers. There are so many other options, like ferns, dry plants, or other types of greenery. If lush flowers aren’t your thing, that’s okay!

For more inspiration ideas, check out Prairie Rose’s queer wedding floral inspiration board.

Advice for Other Florists

Heidi and Em also offer some tips for vendors wanting to contribute to a more inclusive space:

1. Change your terminology. On your inquiry forms, use more gender-neutral language. Don’t automatically assume there’s a “bride” and “groom.” Alternatives might include partners, nearlyweds, spouses-to-be, etc.
2. Be open to the fact that not everyone will fit into a box. Once you open yourself up to the different ways people exist in this world, you’ll be a step closer to creating a better experience for others.
3. Focus more on interests and what’s authentic to the couple. Instead of sitting down with a couple and immediately asking, “What do you want your bouquet to look like,” start with more open-ended questions to facilitate a discussion. Ask them, “What’s your style?” Or “How do you envision floral elements to show up at your wedding?” This places the couple and their identities at the center of the inspiration.

Final Takeaways

Again, I want to re-emphasize that if you like the traditional ways that flowers are presented at weddings, there is nothing wrong with that. As long as the arrangement feels right for you, then go for it! Here are some final things to keep in mind:

• Don’t be scared to do what you want to do. If you have an idea, you can find the right people to help you make it a reality.
• Florals are an art form—when we frame them with their artistic beauty and see them as symbols of life, we can start to move away from their gendered meanings.

My Perspective as a Photographer

Heidi and Em emphasize in the podcast that doing things a little differently in the floral world is often part of being queer—and I can definitely say the same when it comes to other aspects of weddings and elopements.

If you’re a queer couple and are looking for the right vendors to help you make your wildest visions come true, that’s what I’m here for. If you’re looking for a photographer to capture your love, reach out to me today—I can’t wait to hear your story and learn about everything that makes you who you are.