Let’s face it: Wedding planning can be incredibly overwhelming. From never-ending to-do lists to family expectations and Pinterest vision boards, it’s easy to get caught up in a bit of chaos and lose sight of what truly matters—you, your partner, and your love story.

If you’re knee-deep in the process of planning a traditional big wedding, but are feeling pressure from all sides and wondering if it’s even worth it, you’re not alone. The good news is that it’s all going to be okay. There are different ways to cope with this situation, whether it’s finding strategies to alleviate the stress or pivoting your plans altogether. In this blog, I’ll give you some of these options to help you get to your day and say “I do.”

What’s So Overwhelming About Big Weddings?

Basically, planning a big wedding can feel a bit like trying to juggle flaming torches while riding a unicycle. There’s a lot going on, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Let’s break down some of the key reasons why so many couples find themselves stressed out during this process (and all reasons are valid!).

High Costs and Financial Stress

One of the biggest stressors of big weddings is the cost. The average wedding costs tens of thousands of dollars, with the venue, catering, flowers, attire, entertainment, invitations—the list goes on. Even with a well-planned budget, unexpected expenses can pop up, adding to the financial strain.

Time-Consuming Process

Another major factor is the amount of time required. Between venue visits, vendor meetings, dress fittings, and creating centerpieces, it can consume your every free moment. Trying to balance this with work, social life, and family life, can make anyone feel like they’re drowning in a sea of to-dos.

Tiredness from Decisions

From big choices like the venue and guest list to the smaller details like napkin colors and playlist songs, it feels like there are a million tiny decisions that need to be made. This constant need to make choices can lead to straight-up fatigue, where even the simplest decisions become difficult.

Family and Social Expectations

Big weddings often come with the pressure of family and friends. Balancing their expectations while trying to stay true to what you and your partner want can be incredibly stressful. If you’ve gotten to this point in the planning process, you might also begin to realize that the big wedding is not what you want deep down. (If I hear, “Well my mom was really excited about this and wanted to plan it” one more time…)

Pressure of Perfection

The industry puts a lot of pressure on having the “perfect” wedding. Social media is also filled with these ideas. The desire to achieve perfection can overshadow the real reason for your celebration—your love and commitment to each other.

Coping with the Overwhelming Feelings

First of all, I acknowledge that pivoting to a smaller wedding or an elopement might not be an option for everyone. Whether it’s because of family expectations, cultural traditions, your own dreams of having a big event, or simply time and logistical constraints, you might need to stick to the plan anyway. While I’m a huge advocate for doing whatever the heck you want, if this situation happens to be the case for you, here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Prioritize and Delegate

Take a moment to think about what truly matters to you and your partner. Make a list of your top three to five must-haves for the wedding. Is it the venue, the food, the music? Focus your energy on these priorities and be willing to compromise on less important tasks.

If you have the support around you, remember that you don’t have to do everything yourself. You can enlist the help of family and friends or hire a wedding planner. Assigning specific tasks to trusted individuals takes a small load off your plate, which can help with the stress.

2. Set Budgets and Timelines

If you haven’t done this already, now would be a good time to pause and write everything out where you can see it. Break down your budget into categories and allocate funds accordingly. What’s even more important is to have a budget that accurately reflects the actual amount vendors charge. For example, some people might think that $500 is good for flowers, but realistically, most florists will charge $2,000. Always keep a contingency fund for unexpected expenses, too.

Also, create a realistic timeline for your planning. Break down the tasks month by month and week by week. Avoid cramming too many tasks into a short period to keep things balanced! Zola has a great free timeline planning tool that many couples love!

Read More: How to Create An Elopement Budget

3. Practice Self-Care and Stress Management

It’s very easy to neglect self-care when you’re in the thick of planning. Try your best to make time for activities that help you relax and unwind, whether it’s a yoga session, a walk in the park, or binge-watching your favorite series. During this time, don’t forget to stay connected to your partner! The last thing you want is to let the stress of planning hurt your relationship.

4. Communicate with Your Partner

Open and honest communication with your partner is vital, especially during this time. You’re in this together, and sharing the load can make the process more manageable. Regularly check in with each other about how you’re feeling and any concerns you might have. Make decisions together and support each other through the highs and lows of planning.

5. Embrace Flexibility

Things might not always go as planned—and that’s okay! Accepting that perfection is not actually real can relieve a lot of pressure. At the end of the day, try to keep in mind that the thing that matters most is you, your partner, and your love. 

Considering Alternatives to Traditional Weddings

Okay, so you and your partner have assessed all the angles and decided that this whole big traditional wedding thing just isn’t the move anymore. The good news is that you can still pivot—and if you have the means to do so, I strongly recommend choosing this option. Keep in mind that the earlier you decide to change your plans, the better. If you change your mind before you have venues booked and deposits placed, this will make things a lot easier. 

On the other hand, if you are coming to this realization later in the planning process when you’ve already put a significant amount of money into your traditional wedding, it’s important to talk with your partner about the benefits and drawbacks. In this case, remember that there’s a chance you might lose money on deposits or other payments. You’ll also need to notify guests as soon as possible and change or cancel bookings. If taking a new route outweighs the losses you might face, go for it!

Benefits of Alternative Weddings

First, let’s talk about why you might even consider an alternative to a traditional wedding in the first place. You can avoid high costs associated with large venues, extensive catering, and elaborate decorations, and reallocate those budgets to things that are more meaningful.

Elopements or small weddings also tend to be more intimate, personalized, and flexible. If you elope with just the two of you, it gives you more time to focus on each other. Or, if you choose to bring along some guests, whether for a small wedding or elopement, you get to spend more meaningful time with each person. These smaller gatherings also allow for greater flexibility and creativity in your planning. 

Read More: What Type of Wedding Should I Have?

Small Weddings

Typically, a small wedding has a guest list of 50 people or fewer. This option allows you to focus on the people who matter most to you. They can happen outdoors or in a small venue—it’s just up to your style! 

Elopements

Elopements are a personal favorite of mine. They can involve just you as the couple, an officiant, and two witnesses, or they can include a small handful of guests. Elopements can happen anywhere. Some options include on a mountain top, in a forest, in a backyard, in your Airbnb, or at the place where you had your first date.

Read More: How to Plan an Airbnb or Vrbo Elopement 

Read More: Choosing the Right Setting for Your Elopement

How to Pivot to Alternative Plans

Deciding to pivot from a big traditional wedding to a more intimate celebration like a small wedding or elopement can be a relief, but it will also come with its own set of challenges. Here are some things to keep in mind to navigate the transition smoothly and make your new plan come to life:

Assessing Your Priorities

The first step in pivoting your wedding plans is to reassess your priorities. Sit down with your partner and discuss what’s truly important to both of you. Is it the location, the ceremony, the fun activities, or the overall atmosphere? By identifying your top priorities, you can make more informed decisions about what to keep and what to let go. To begin assessing your priorities:

• List your must-haves: Try making individual lists of your top elements for your celebration. Then, compare lists and find common ground.
• Discuss non-negotiables: Identify aspects that are non-negotiable for either of you. These could be cultural traditions, specific people present, or particular rituals.
• Be open and honest: This is the time for open and honest communication. It’s essential to ensure both of you feel heard and valued in this process.

This is also the time to take stock of what you’ve already booked and paid for. For example, if you’ve already booked your venue but can’t get your deposit back, can you use the venue for an after-party, casual reception, or something else high on your priority list?

Communicating the Change

Once you’ve decided to pivot your plans, it’s crucial to communicate this change effectively to your guests, especially if you’ve already sent out invitations for a larger event. Here are things to keep in mind:

• Clearly explain the reasons for the change in a thoughtful manner.
• Use multiple channels to communicate the change and ensure everyone is informed.
• Be prepared for reactions. Some guests might be disappointed or have questions. Be patient and explain your reasons, emphasizing how this new plan is better for you and your partner.

Read More: Facing Questions About Your Decision to Elope

Steps to Plan an Alternative Celebration

1. Create a new vision: Envision what your ideal small wedding or elopement looks like. Consider the location, style, and overall vibe you want to achieve.
2. Adjust your budget: Reallocate your budget based on your new plans. You might find you have more flexibility to spend on things that truly matter to you, such as a dream location or a talented photographer.
3. Revise your timeline: Develop a new timeline that reflects the scale and scope of your elopement or small wedding.
4. Focus on personal touches: Whether it’s personalized vows, custom decorations, or special activities, these details will make your celebration memorable.
5. Cancel or change any bookings: If you’ve already booked venues or other services and activities for a big wedding, call them to cancel as soon as possible. Keep in mind that you may lose your deposit, depending on the vendor’s policies. Or, if you can still use the things you booked, like the venue and DJ for a reception or after-party, this can help you make the most of your money!

Read More: How to Elope: The Ultimate Guide

Read More: How to Elope Quickly (in 6 Months or Less)

Embracing the Change

Changing your wedding plans can be a bit of a blessing in disguise because it allows you to focus on what matters at the core and create a day that’s a true reflection of your love story. While realizing that you had the wrong plan all along may be overwhelming, try to ride the wave because once you let it sink in and start actioning some of the changes, things will start to feel a lot better. Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to get married—only the way that feels right for you and your partner, so if you need to pivot your plans for the sake of your happiness, do it! 

For the record, I have had multiple real-life couples change their wedding plans to elopements or smaller weddings. I can tell you first-hand that it’s not weird and you don’t need to feel embarrassed about making a decision that will ultimately make you happier!

If you decide that a small wedding or elopement is the right fit for you, I’d love to be part of your journey and capture the beautiful moments of your love through my lens. Connect with me today to learn more about how I can help!