So, you’re planning to elope—first of all, congrats! As an LGBTQIA+ elopement photographer, I’ve worked with many eloping couples, and one question I’m often asked is, “What about wedding traditions, like gifts?” If you and your partner are big on gifts and want to keep this element of tradition in your celebration, the good news is that just because you’re not having a traditional wedding doesn’t mean your loved ones can’t celebrate your love and support you in this way. In this blog, I’ll go over everything you need to know about elopement gifts and offer alternative options for those who want to receive support in other ways!

Why Have Gifts At Your Elopement?

The tradition of giving gifts began as a practical thing to help newlyweds start their lives on a good note—think household items like linens, cookware, and sometimes even livestock (not exactly what you’d put on your registry today!). 

Fast forward to today, and while we may not be gifting cows anymore, the idea behind wedding gifts carries a similar meaning. It’s a way for loved ones to support you as you start this new chapter of your life. And guess what? Just because you’re choosing to elope doesn’t mean you have to miss out on this tradition.

I also want to make this clear: It’s not selfish to ask for gifts and other forms of support when you elope. Some couples feel uncomfortable about it, but the reality is that your supportive loved ones should want to celebrate you, no matter how you choose to tie the knot. Gifts and alternatives can be a beautiful way for them to show their excitement for your future together.

Read More: How to Elope: The Ultimate Guide

Asking For Support From Your Loved Ones

The key to asking for support is through open and honest communication. When you announce your elopement to your family and friends, share the reasons behind your choice to elope and express how much their support means to you. Whether you’re looking for help with planning, contributions to a specific fund, or just some sentimental thoughts and wishes, it’s important to show how much you value their involvement right off the bat.

Remember, gifting isn’t mandatory. While it’s perfectly okay to share a registry or suggest ways others can contribute, try to emphasize that your loved ones’ support—whether through gifts or simply being there for you—means the world. Make it clear that you’re grateful for anything they choose to give, no matter how big or small!

Different Ways Your Loved Ones Can Support You (Gifts and Alternatives)

Here’s a look at some ways your loved ones can support you as you elope:

Elopement Gifts

Even if you’re eloping, you can still create a gift registry for those who want to give you something special. This can be for something practical for your home or a keepsake to remember your elopement by. No matter the item, it can give your family and friends a bit of a guide to providing you with something you’ll actually find value in. For example, you might include items on the list that will make your new space feel more like home or other sentimental items like a Polaroid camera to capture your new memories as a married couple.

Elopement gifts can also include items you might use on your actual elopement day. For example, a new pair of hiking boots for your elopement hike can be a thoughtful and practical gift. The options are really endless—snacks to enjoy throughout the day, champagne for dinner, a handmade vow book, or a special piece of jewelry to wear at the ceremony. 

Donating to a Fund

If you’re not into physical gifts, consider asking your loved ones to contribute to a fund instead. A honeymoon fund, for example, can be especially helpful if you’re planning a getaway right after you say “I do.” For those saving for a new home or renovation, a home fund is also a practical alternative that directly supports your future together. Or, if you’re the adventurous type, an adventure fund can help cover the costs of exploring new places together. You can also start a fund for your family planning journey—this is common with queer couples planning for IVF,  surrogacy, adoption, or other routes.

Having an Elopement Shower 

Even if you’re not having a traditional wedding, you can still host an elopement shower. This is also a great way to celebrate with guests who won’t be present on your elopement day. Here, your loved ones can also have the chance to give physical gifts that you can use as you start your married life. 

Donating to a Special Cause

For couples who want to give back, asking loved ones to donate to a special cause close to your heart can be a meaningful alternative to traditional gifts. Whether it’s a charity that supports LGBTQIA+ rights, environmental conservation, or another cause you’re passionate about, this option allows your love to make a positive impact beyond your relationship.

Letter Writing

One of the most sentimental ways your loved ones can support you is by writing letters to you on your elopement day. Ask your closest friends and family members to put their thoughts, memories, or advice on paper. You can read these letters on your elopement day, which adds a special touch to your big day! The nice thing about this option is that you can revisit the letters on anniversaries (or literally any other day of the week) if you ever need a reminder of all the love and support that surrounds your relationship.

Post-Elopement Celebration

For those who want to celebrate with friends and family after the elopement, a post-elopement celebration is a great way to spend quality time with the people you love. This could be a casual get-together, a dinner party, or even a small reception. You can use the time to share your elopement story, show off photos, and catch up with those who weren’t there on the big day. It can also help your loved ones feel more involved in your journey!

Read More: Do You Have to Invite Guests to Your Elopement?

Memory Book

Ask your family and friends to contribute to a memory book filled with photos, messages, and mementos. This can be a collaborative effort where everyone sends in something that represents their relationship with you as a couple. You can put it all together in a book and look through it on your elopement day (and all the years after that).

Don’t Want Elopement Gifts? Here’s How to Politely Decline

While gifts are a lovely way for others to show support, it’s perfectly okay if you prefer not to receive them. Whether you already have everything you need, or you simply want to focus on the experience rather than material items, you always have the option to politely decline. 

When sharing your elopement plans, it is a good idea to address the topic of gifts upfront. You can include a note in your elopement announcement or on your wedding website that expresses your preference. For example, you can say, “Your presence in our lives is the greatest gift we could ask for. We kindly ask that no gifts be given, as we have everything we need.”

If you’re concerned that some loved ones may still want to give you something, you can offer alternatives that align with your values. Suggest that instead of gifts, they could make a donation to a charity that’s meaningful to you.

A Note For Family and Friends

Okay, this one’s for the supportive family and friends of the eloping couple: Whether you have mixed feelings about the elopement or are 100% on board, remember that the couple has made a deeply personal choice, often rooted in the desire to have a more intimate, meaningful experience. Your loved ones have chosen this path because it feels right for them, and your support can make all the difference in how special this journey becomes.

While it’s natural to feel a mix of emotions—perhaps surprise, excitement, or even a little disappointment—remember that this day is about celebrating their love in a way that feels right to them. By embracing their decision with open arms, you’re showing that your love and support are unconditional, which is probably all they could want and need during this highly emotional and exciting time.

There are still many possibilities when it comes to being involved, but the important thing to remember is to ask the eloping couple about what feels comfortable to them. Try not to push boundaries. Embrace any level of involvement they allow, whether it’s giving a simple gift, helping with parts of the planning process, or showing up to an after-party.

Read More: Facing Questions About Your Decision to Elope

Need A Photographer and Extra Support?

If you’re looking for a photographer who not only captures your love story but also understands the nuances of eloping, I’m here to help! As someone who has worked with countless eloping queer couples (and as someone who is eloping herself), I can offer some advice when it comes to the elopement planning stage, including tips on navigating guests and families. At the end of the day, I’m here to help make your elopement unforgettable.